Maybe you’ve heard the expression: Are you laughing at me, or with me?

Considering that English prepositions can be challenging (to say the least!), this phrase might be extra confusing for English language learners. Here’s a quick look into what this phrase means.

to laugh at

laughter directed toward a person or action; in general, the other person is not laughing

Note: Sometimes, laughing at someone can be considered rude or a way of ridiculuing them (but not always).

Example:
The little boy tripped down the stairs and his schoolmates laughed at him. He was very sad. (They are being rude or cruel.)
I laugh at his jokes all the time. (This meaning is not rude or cruel, since jokes are meant to be funny.)

to laugh with

laughter in a group of people; laughing together about something everyone finds funny

Example:
They were laughing with me as I was trying to tell the story. (I was laughing telling the story, and my friends were laughing alongside me. We were all laughing.)

The woman laughed with her boyfriend as they walked down the street. (Both the woman and man were laughing together.)

So what does that original sentence mean?

“Are you laughing at me, or with me?“
or even: “I don’t think you’re laughing with me…”

Usually, this means the speaker has done something funny…but maybe embarrassing. The major difference between the two sentences is that “laughing with” means that everyone finds something funny, but “laughing at” means that (probably) everyone except the main person involved finds it funny, and the laughter is directed toward that person. (Again, the exception would be “laughing at jokes” or “laughing at the comedian,” which is when “laughing at” is not rude or ridiculing someone.)

The question “Are you laughing AT me, or WITH me?” is a friendly and lighthearted way to ask someone:
Are you making fun of me? Are you laughing at my mistake/embarrassing moment?

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